My mornings start around 6:00 a.m. with a shower so cold my lips turn blue and my heart slows. Call it an exaggeration, but it’s cold. The smell of roasted flesh creeps through my window and I listen to the street vendors yell back and forth as they set up shop for the day. P’ Lek and P’ Pang accompany me to work. It’s an awkward ten-minute walk when our conversation ends after the greeting. I’m practicing my Thai diligently… really, I am. It’s hard.
The office is full of vibrant conversation and nine beautiful, dedicated women. We sit in the tiny kitchen made for tiny Thais, and enjoy breakfast around 8:00. I eyeball each plate to make a mental note of what I want to try the next day, and what I want to stay faaaar from. We disperse to our desks, and the workday begins. There’s chatter back and forth, but most of it means nothing. I can’t communicate the way I want with the people I work and live with. That’s hard.
My orientation with Adrienne, Siam-Care’s director, left me satiated with emotion. Overwhelmed, I sat nauseous for the majority of her introduction as we examined the rise of HIV in Thailand and its ties to some upsetting cultural behavior. I read the children’s books Siam-Care disseminates to educate kids, families, schools, and communities on incest, rape, and pedophilia. THAT, was hard.
I’m still struggling to find my way around… order food… feel useful… and stay awake. It’s dogfights and motorbikes that lull me to sleep. I’m lonely and stuck, and it’s just… hard.
“GET OVER YOURSELF!!” I know, right?! As I slip in and out of pity parties, I realize it’s the perfect opportunity to thank God for the struggles. This experience wouldn’t mean nearly as much if my faith weren’t being challenged and stretched on every level. As Marcus likes to remind me, the hardships (which are SO minuet when I look around) are preparing a stronger heart, more capable hands, and a better equipped disciple to live out the future plans God has for my life.
Small accomplishments – like successfully purchasing food from the market or finding alternatives to language when connecting with kids – will eventually blind these cynical eyes and open my heart to all that’s in store.
So… it’s hard…
Thank goodness.
On the agenda for the month… umm…
Incase you weren’t hungry before…
As a form of respect toward those older than you, Thais use a “P” before names. This is P’ Ting, and she’s been my saving-grace on numerous occasions.
I’m going on my first home visit Wed. with camera in-hand!!!
Tags: AIDS relief., Bangkok, Gina Meola Photography, Missionary, Missions, Thailand
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