I hate big cities, but never have I stood witness to more consecutive smiling faces from such beautifully gentle people. It’s certainly nothing like New York, and I’m learning to appreciate it more everyday. I felt renewed and excited on my walk to the train station this evening. Once seated, an older gentleman plopped to my left. One glance and my heart sank immediately, again. In a city that’s known for its grin, this man carried the saddest face I had ever looked into. Worse yet, I couldn’t say a thing to him. Not one word. My stare fixated on his window reflection for our 20-minute ride, and once over, I burst into tears – a trend that’s become quite familiar. Ahhh, how devastating it is to feel helpless and wordless. I would have grabbed his hand weren’t it for fear of offending him. I stand amid a language and culture completely foreign, so I need be mindful of everything. I prayed and stared through his face before I walked away… It was all I could think to do.

Oh Internet, the ups and downs are relentless. A learning experience, indeed, but oy.

On a lighter note, the women (and man!) at work are amazing. I couldn’t survive this without them. They make the sweetest gestures and have all gone out of their way to help me assimilate. The cutest was when I asked one of the women to help me find earplugs because it’s terribly noisy on my street. We walked and searched until finally she exclaimed “earplugs!” and pointed to a set of headphones at a cell phone shop.    : )

Friday was spent at the prison-training workshop in preparation for Monday’s visit. The prisons are inherently corrupt institutions swollen with people in desperate need of Christ’s saving grace. This is an incredible ministry that I look forward to sharing in-depth after my time there. But it was made very clear, “NO CAMERAS!”

I had a rough start to Saturday and felt compelled to call Rachel, a lovely woman from Australia that arrived around the same time for orientation. We met up that evening to throw around stories and at the end of the night she prayed about every detail of our conversation. Who does that?! It was SO uplifting to meet a woman in such an uncertain and uncomfortable stage in her life, wholly committed to God’s plan. Thank you, Rachel.

It’s funny to catch myself thinking, “I’ve got to remember this!” a bagillion times a day. Everything seems blog-worthy because this experience is totally new, awkward, amazing, and important… but with limited time to spew my thoughts on screen, I’ve got to be really picky, and pickiness stinks. So friends, I will wrap up today’s rant with a few more photos from my home visits and a shot of dinner with the two lovelies that escort me to work every morning. I WILL write about Siam-Care and what the heck I’m doing, but it deserves a thoughtful and thorough introduction that I cannot provide right now.

Beauty in the cracks.

I wanted to eat his face. 

She used to have a house full of family. She lost her grandson to AIDS. 

Taking care of grandma. 

 Dinner is SERVED! P’ Pang and P’ Lek.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABBO!!! Xo

What a day.

It’s too late to write, so I posted some pictures from today’s family visits. Hopefully they’ll speak louder than words anyway. This weekend I’ll explain what my organization actually does.

Ohhhhh how we take so much for granted.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are the are those who are persecuted, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 
Matthew 5:3-10 

Friendly livestock…

Smothered in Oreos.

Her husband is HIV-positive. She doesn’t know.

Grandma’s hands shaving bamboo.

This princess and her family drink from the water below.

They work so hard…

::Sigh::

My mornings start around 6:00 a.m. with a shower so cold my lips turn blue and my heart slows. Call it an exaggeration, but it’s cold. The smell of roasted flesh creeps through my window and I listen to the street vendors yell back and forth as they set up shop for the day. P’ Lek and P’ Pang accompany me to work. It’s an awkward ten-minute walk when our conversation ends after the greeting. I’m practicing my Thai diligently… really, I am. It’s hard.

The office is full of vibrant conversation and nine beautiful, dedicated women. We sit in the tiny kitchen made for tiny Thais, and enjoy breakfast around 8:00. I eyeball each plate to make a mental note of what I want to try the next day, and what I want to stay faaaar from. We disperse to our desks, and the workday begins. There’s chatter back and forth, but most of it means nothing. I can’t communicate the way I want with the people I work and live with. That’s hard.

My orientation with Adrienne, Siam-Care’s director, left me satiated with emotion. Overwhelmed, I sat nauseous for the majority of her introduction as we examined the rise of HIV in Thailand and its ties to some upsetting cultural behavior. I read the children’s books Siam-Care disseminates to educate kids, families, schools, and communities on incest, rape, and pedophilia. THAT, was hard.

I’m still struggling to find my way around… order food… feel useful… and stay awake. It’s dogfights and motorbikes that lull me to sleep. I’m lonely and stuck, and it’s just… hard.

“GET OVER YOURSELF!!” I know, right?! As I slip in and out of pity parties, I realize it’s the perfect opportunity to thank God for the struggles. This experience wouldn’t mean nearly as much if my faith weren’t being challenged and stretched on every level. As Marcus likes to remind me, the hardships (which are SO minuet when I look around) are preparing a stronger heart, more capable hands, and a better equipped disciple to live out the future plans God has for my life.

Small accomplishments – like successfully purchasing food from the market or finding alternatives to language when connecting with kids – will eventually blind these cynical eyes and open my heart to all that’s in store.

So… it’s hard…

Thank goodness.

On the agenda for the month… umm…

Incase you weren’t hungry before…

As a form of respect toward those older than you, Thais use a “P” before names. This is P’ Ting, and she’s been my saving-grace on numerous occasions. 

I’m going on my first home visit Wed. with camera in-hand!!!