Today was the day. Another tipping point, will you.

This time of month brings furious migraines and the insatiable craving for chocolate. Well, the latter really isn’t just this time of month… but that’s neither here nor there, hmph. This week has been dreadful. And come to think of it, so has much of this month, and that month… so sang the girl throwing the world’s largest pity party.

Hours passed, and I sank deeper and deeper into rants of how terrible life has gotten. To these thoughts, naturally, I ripped the boxed brownie mix from the pantry, and began stirring my sorrows away. I can’t get this to do that. How am I supposed to be THERE from HERE. I need to serve them better.  I’m doing everything on my own. When will we finally have the money to… and so continued the chorus to this bitter girl’s song.

Tears poured, as they often do, and eventually the rich brown glow staring up from below lost its luster. Dropping everything, I drizzled to the floor. The floor where I was at once greeted by the happiest dog (ever), eager to join the party of salty cheeks and chocolate dipped fingers. Paisley. She is a gift to me. A reminder there’s always something to wiggle my backside for. But that got old, so I brushed her away. I was far too busy sulking to be licked.

Enter, my darling husband, who had been away the entire morning and majority of afternoon. The puffy-eyed girl on the floor, uncomfortable amounts of mucus and all, was probably too familiar a sight for this  man. A gentle sigh, and earnest prodding led to a spew of insecurities, uncertainties, and frustrations. I was an utter mess inside, and I had been holding close the mindset that put me there.

Marcus’s patient soul listened, reflected, and spoke. There’s no doubt God used Marcus, today, to end Donner’s Pity Party of One. He reminded me of the promises and responsibilities we are given, as gifted and blessed children of God. And to cherish this time of struggle. We know we’re exactly where we are for a reason, but that doesn’t make it easier…

Over and over I’ve experienced through suffering that we grow closer, stronger, and more in tune with Christ Himself, AND one another. We know our future is not one of idle luxury, and that God has been shaping us since birth for an incredible purpose – not because we are great, but because He is.

Marcus was very correct when he spoke of our hearts, and how we would respond if money were overflowing, or if the move was easy. If our lives seemed perfect… we’re not ready. God knows this. And so do we. As we allow God to continually break us to His image, there will eventually be no worth in claiming any form of “success” as something of our own doing. We have so, SO much to be thankful for, and plenty to look forward to. But still, my instincts tell me to hold strong to the wrongs and not-good-enoughs.

I don’t really like being this honest, on a screen, that anyone, anywhere… could see. But to fight alone is never as powerful as fighting together. If you read this, could you please pray for us? For supposed care-free young newlyweds, we carry quite a bit on our plate. Thank you, in advance.

And Marcus, thank YOU for being my rock today. You give me much to admire.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2010 at 7:50 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.